For those still tapped in, you may be expecting a further progress update on my digital declutter.
Unfortunately, the zen-like state of monk mode has been broken by the irresistible hubbub of the festive season. One festive message turns to three and before you know it the declutter is out the window and you’re a vegetable.
This week wasn’t a monolith of digital ill-discipline though. For this post, for example, I managed to drag myself away from my phone to reconnect with my former monk self. The blocks went on, the sleep was blissful and I arose not to hum-drum of reels and messages but instead to a pensive, restorative and open-ended lap of the block.
In a way, this past week has been a symbol of a wider pattern across 2024 - an attempt at betterment, followed by an obstacle. Going into 2025, it is my intention make these inevitable obstacles the way. In the words of our darg Marcus Aurelius:
“The Impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
As 2024 draws to a close, I will highlight two obstacles that I faced and how my approach will be modified going forward.
1) Back Injury
Let’s be clear, I’ve always been a stiff c*nt. With hips as tight as a corporate canteen lady and a spine as stiff as an awkward encounter on the tube - I’ve long been prone to back issues.
In August of this year, after resolving issues with my mid back, my lower back started acting up. Unfortunately this was an issue entirely of my making… In attempting to prepare for the No Gi European Championship in Jiu Jitsu, I had bitten off far more than I could chew. My training had been far too heavy for what my body could handle and worse; I hadn’t addressed the warning signs when they first started emerging. By the time the competition rolled around in October, my back was unable to tolerate even light training and I was forced to withdraw.
In this instance, the obstacle had clearly been my ego. I didn’t lack work ethic, focus or even planning - I had lacked presence, adaptability and pragmatism. I had fallen for the double-espresso hustle culture approach - just swallow it and keep going. Whilst that approach may aid those lacking application, I had never struggled hitting the gas when it came to Jiu Jitsu.
Naturally, when the Jiu Jitsu had to stop - emotional dysregulation, self-isolation and doubt followed. It would be unfair to say I’d neglected rehab but I certainly hadn’t treated the rehab as an obstacle worth conquering. I also hadn’t treated the rehab window as the opportunity that it was - to study, reflect, strategise and learn.
As mentioned previously on this Substack -
“Training for rehabilitation objectives forms a continuum with training for performance.”
— Stuart McGill
With this approach in mind, I’ll aim not only to address the present reality but create a new one with a less-injury prone back, a more intentional approach to training and more time dedicated towards the study of Jiu Jitsu.
2) Failing an exam
The month is August (it was quite the month). In addition to shooting for the moon that was the Europeans, I was attempting to accelerate the completion of my chartered accountancy exams. Instead of taking 2 exams like the rest of my cohort I was insistent that I’d sit 3 and in doing so, complete the set. The logic was clear - complete the set, qualify as a Chartered Accountant and ride off into the sunset in a blaze of glory.
Living life on society’s time was a key feature of 2024 - the need to excel and quickly. Forget the now, that could be as painful as it needed to be, what mattered was beating the clock of life. As you can imagine, despite passing two exams; failing the final exam was a crippling blow. Forget the achievement of passing two, the learning acquired, the growth associated - the obstacle had spoiled the party.
In this instance, the frustration of failure wasn’t simply from failing, it was from being blocked from a nirvana I had created in my head. In essence, my pain was a product of not being where my two feet were.
As stated last week, core language matters and my approach to dealing with the exam will work in tandem with my approach to work. I no longer want to “hate” my work or run from the reality I’m in. Each moment, every moment I’ll endeavour to seek growth and competence where I’d once sought to escape the system or game it. That’s not to say I don’t have future ambitions and thoughts on where my strengths lie career wise, but I may as well enjoy my current occupation whilst I’m in it.
On resolutions
In prior years my New Year’s resolutions would’ve extended this post to 25 minutes of reading time. This year there are only two.
The first, is being kind to myself. Generic, non-specific and hippy-dippy I know - but it is nonetheless an ideal to strive towards in allowing myself to forgive my mistakes and see every obstacle as an opportunity.
The second, is planning and reviewing every day. In short, I want to be intentional. Whilst longer arc planning has great utility, I need a system to remain anchored right where I am. For example, if I’m faced with an injury …. rather than ploughing onwards to a goal 3 months down the line one would hope that with daily reflection, I’d have the wherewithal to calibrate my actions to what is required there and then.
My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.”
— Nietzsche